I Can't Fake It and I Won't Try

I've studied crowd mentality, emotional contagion, collective identity, deindividuation, because it's really a fascinating subject. Think about how avocado green, super low rise jeans, boys with broccoli hair(looking at my own son) somehow became a worldwide trends.

So we all like that stuff at the same time? In one universal move, we covered plaster with fake paneling and hardwood floors with plastic. Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran replaced music. (JK!!) I like some of Ed's older stuff.

Anyway, it happens in more nefarious ways, too. Emotional contagion and collective identity show up in politics and medicine. Having just watched Gladiator, I'm reminded that it's as old as the hills.

You think you're safe in church, right? Nope.

Growing up in a charismatic church led me to develop a layer of cynicism. And I know I'm generalizing, I only have my experience to pull from. I watched as "movements of God" swept through churches across America. So much emotion. And who's going to just stand there, looking stiff and stupid?

Me, that's who.

I may have been born with second hand embarrassment.

I loathe the thought of pretending to be into something just to be accepted.

I used to be allergic to contemporary Christian music. It feels so try-hard. Like it's trying to sound secular, but just comes across as a subpar substitute. But I have found some really stuff too. There really are some great artists and worship music out there.

Man, this is getting negative. Let me turn it around.

Maybe I'm being too picky. What I want, what I've already said before, is something real.

And if I'm honest, I'm not sure what that looks like.

An old pastor once told me, "I don't care about all the hype and high emotion. I care that people leave church changed. Edified. Convicted."

That stuck with me.

I know better than to look for a perfect church. You've heard the old saying, "If you find the perfect church, don't go, because then it won't be perfect anymore."

If it all sounds redundant, know that this is me in real time, wrestling with authenticity, discernment, emotional balance and my own God centered identity. Writing about it helps me to process my thoughts.

I don't want to be a "Crisis Christian." I want God to see that I'm sincere in seeking Him with all my heart. Not a person led by emotion or one who treats him like the big Santa Claus in the sky. I'd rather not be that person at all.

"From the end of the earth

I will cry to You,

when my heart is overwhelmed;

Lead me to a rock that

is higher than I."

Psalm 61:2