Why a blog?

The year is 1998-give or take. A big box arrives from my brother in New York. A computer. A Gateway computer in the iconic cow print box. It came with the "family bundle," which meant my kids were introduced to games like The Neverhood, Goosebumps, and 101 Dalmations. It was our first glimpse into the world of computers.

And for me, my first step into the world of the internet.

Back in the stone age- aka, dial-up days, getting on the internet meant tying up your phone line.

Ye ole landline. If someone called while you were online, you'd be kicked off and have to start the whole screeching process all over again. Internet time had to be intentional. You had to sit down, dial up and search. Not as hard as loading all the kids in the minivan, driving to the library, and using the Dewey decimal system. But still. It was effort.

In those early days, I stumbled across the early mommy bloggers of the day. The OGs.

Mangomama, a beautiful blog written by a gorgeous woman in Hawaii. Her life felt like a dream- Home births by candlelight during rainstorms, barefoot children running through banana groves, raw vegan meals and beauty. I was mesmerized.

Later it would be Soulemama, Posie Gets Cozy,as well as dozens more. All different. Each with their own style,own voice. My favorite was Eyes of Wonder, written by a mom of 10, who's home looked like a Montessori school and a place that I would have loved to visit. Sit and learn. I am sorry that I never wrote down her banana cake recipe before the blog was taken down.

Those pages were a lifeline to me. A place to find kindred spirits, not influencers.

I miss that.

I miss the quiet internet. It felt slow and soft. Like reading the best part of every book.

Now everything is loud ,aggressive and fast. Mean. Somewhere between here and there, as access grew, so did the sharpness. Comments had to be monitored for the new career known as internet trolling.

And then the influencers? We all got influenced.

I recently got off of all social platforms, I blocked myself with an app called Stay Focused. I don't even want access. Maybe not forever, just not right now. I want to read again and watch a whole movie without my phone. It's been about a month now and I can't say I miss it.

That's why I'm here. Part nostalgia, part being fed up, and part because in the quiet, I'm learning to hear my own voice.

My garden in the year 2000. Old internet days. That baby in the corner is dad now

Last years garden

Donkey dust bath